!!! THE GOD !!!

If Cricket is Religion, Sachin is God!!!

Ever Thought...

If Software is Religion, then who might be the God...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Can u get them right???

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....

No one will GET second chance to impress....

Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...

Q 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?
He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Out of the Box."
 
Q 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"
The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"
Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.
Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.
Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well.
Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked
Q 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?
Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"
He got selected.
You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)
Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Q 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"? People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...
But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura . In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.
So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

Q 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....
And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittiness. .........

This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....
JALAK

 

 

Want to Hear the Truth about you?

Specially for you...
U R the one who is CHARMING

U R the one who is INTELLIGENT

U R the one who is CUTE

And

I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS

-------------------------------------------------

I saw U on the road that day

U Were Looking so fine

Ur Face So Divine

Ur Walk So Perfect

My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

-------------------------------------------------

A - U r Attractive

B - U r the Best

C - U r Cute

D - U r Dear 2 Me

E - U r Excellent

F - U r Funny

G - U r Good-Looking

H - hehehe

I - I'm

J - JOKING

-------------------------------------------------

Another MOON ? Possible

Another SUN ? Possible

Another SKY ? Possible

Another Frnd Like U ? Impossible

'coz GOD can't make the same MISTAKE twice

--------------------------------------------------
Roses are RED

Violets are BLUE

Monkeys Like U

Should be kept in the ZOO

Dun Worry, u'll find me there TOO

Not in the Cage, but LAUGHING AT U

--------------------------------------------------

U r the ACCENT of my Life, ALTO of my Dreams, IKON of my Eyes, ZEN of my Thoughts, INDICA of my Joy, LANCER of my Heart.

Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz

--------------------------------------------------

Those Sparkling Eyes

Those Marvelous Lips

A 100 Watt Smile

The Majestic Walk

The Cheerful Talk

Truly Charming Personality

Guess, That's Enough abt ME

--------------------------------------------------

so Sweet is ur SMILE???

so Sweet is ur STYLE???

so Sweet is ur VOICE???

so Sweet is ur EYE?????

see how Sweetly I LIE
 

--------------------------------------------------


Look at the Ocean, see GOD's Abundance !


Look at the Sky, see GOD's Wonder !


Look at the Moon, see GOD's Glory !


Look at the Mirror, see GOD's BLUNDER !!

 

 

Footprints

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"

To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"

*******

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"

To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head !!!"

*******

Awesome Reply by a Manager

  It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall.
All the people from the department had been called.
The VP was looking tensed.

The mood was bad.
My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about?” I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting.
People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers.
All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.
If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.
The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want.
Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man”.

To this the manager replied "Sir!! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything."
 
Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What Reply man!"

 
 

Impact of job change

Impact of job change
 
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a
shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out
of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver -I've been driving a van carrying dead
Bodies for the last 25 years....... 


 


 

Think Out of the Box

THINK you are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's
raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see
three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that
there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of
a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus
  you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and
  this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

................

....................

He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady
to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner
of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought
limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

The Man and The Ostrich

                        The Man and The Ostrich

> 

> A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

> The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries

> and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

> 

> "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

> A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be

> $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

> 

> The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A

> hamburger, fries, and a coke."

> The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

> Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

> This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

> "The usual?" asks the waitress.

> "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and

> salad,"

> says the man.

> "Same," says the ostrich.

> Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

> Once again he man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

> The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.

>

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your  pocket every time?"

> 

> "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

> found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me

> Two wishes.

> My

> first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just

> put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

> 

> "That's fantastic!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a

> million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want

> for as long as you live!"

> 

> "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the

> exact money is always there," says the man.

> The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

> The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall

> chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

 

 

21 Rules

ONE.

Give

people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.

Marry

a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills

will be as important as any other..

THREE.

Don't

believe all you hear, spend all you h ave or sleep all you want.

FOUR.

When

you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE.

When

you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX.

Be

engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.

Believe

in love at first sight.

EIGHT.

Never

laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.

Love

deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life

completely.

TEN.

In

disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.

Don't

judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE.

Talk

slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN.

When

someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you

want to know?"

FOURTEEN.

Remember

that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

FIFTEEN.

Say

"bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.

When

you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN.

Remember

the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all

your actions.

EIGHTEEN.

Don't

let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN.

When

you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct

it.

TWENTY.

Smile

when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your

voice.

TWENTY-ONE.

Spend

some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Do not be selfish and keep this message!

Spread the CHEER!!!

 





 

Too Good Answers - Humor at its best

KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST



TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

____________ _


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

____________ _


TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

____________ _


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

____________ __


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!

____________ __


TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.

WILLIE: Me!

____________ __


TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

____________ __


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

____________ _


TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "

JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."

____________ _


TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

____________ __


TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. *

____________ ___


TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?

DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

____________ __


TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?

PUPIL: A teacher.

Twenty Funny Truths

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Funny poetry for fun sake

Roses are red; violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When your life is in darkness, pray to God
ask him to free you from darkness
and if after you pray,
you're still in darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

SO MUCH!!! FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID

SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.
TAKE A LOOK:
1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------

2) Customer: "I received the software update
you sent, but I am still getting the same error
message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it
to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------

3)Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing
Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and
tell me what it says."

Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore
and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------

4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use
your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------

5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand
side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button
displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
--------------------------------------------------

6) Tech Support: : "What type of computer do
you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------

7). Tech Support:: "What operating system are
you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------

8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I
performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support::

--------------------------------------------------

9)Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


--------------------------------------------------

10).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support::

--------------------------------------------------

11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there
a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying
there's an Intel inside."

Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------

12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if
there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------

13). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say
now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings
tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power
supply.


Tech:(keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the
startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll
need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just
needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant
that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD

NOSMOKE.COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is
still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version
of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech support:: How did you come to that conclusion?


Tech support::(hush hush)

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him
about what you said, and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------

15) customer care officer:I need a product
identification no: right now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find
'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I
find your computer?

THE RULES - The Male side of the Story

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.

Crying is blackmail.

1.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

JUST SAY IT!

1.

'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done

Not both

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

1.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1.

You have enough clothes

1.

You have too many shoes

1.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State...

Some Important Laws

LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.


LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


LAW OF THE ALIBI:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the next morning you will have a flat tire.


BATH THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.


LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Dreams of various animals...